Christie O

As I alluded to in the main post, I failed miserably this week in my attempt at my Mini-Lent.

First, I didn’t know what to give up. And by Tuesday, I figured it out because it told me. I was on overload, I had a headache, I couldn’t keep up with the message boards, the e-mails, the blog posts (you have probably noticed I have had trouble keeping up with visiting blogs, too, which to me is the funnest part and I hate that that’s the one part I’ve done the least! For that, I apologize. I do love you.) The Twittering, the Facebooking, the texting and the instant messaging.

I was a wreck! This can all be very overwhelming and stressful! And I don’t want it to be, because it’s all a means of keeping in touch with all of the groups I so dearly love, after all, from my Sisterhood sisters, my mom’s group, parents at my sons’ school, my tri-group, my family, to my readers (if I have any left!) and friends.

My Mini-Lent or my sacrifice was to unplug. For a day. If not one day, then two days. And then maybe three, maybe even a week if I could! But I won’t lie. I logged on on Tuesday and it was all downhill from there.

Like usual, within 10 minutes of logging on, I had 5 different windows open, I was answering e-mail, writing blogposts, Facebooking and Tweeting updates for my Christie On a Treadmill At the Mall fundraiser, setting appointments and meetups and coordinating my Spring Festival projects (at my sons’ school.)  My one attempt at unplugging turned to madness and I am sure that it is because of the timing, because right now there is a lot going on and these are all the methods I use to coordinate and converse. Honestly. I stay home. (When did I get so busy? And how?)

I think it all boils down to balance. And I have to find it. Sure, there are times that are busier than others and honestly, I believe that when it rains, it truly does pour, and then after it all passes, I’m bored to tears and setting up a bunch of new stuff that all seems to culminate once again at the same time. So maybe it’s a coordination issue? Maybe in my times of lull, I set up LOTS OF THINGS so that I have something to work on and then I end up doing too much? Because I hate being bored.

Well, even on my quest for balance that seems never-ending, I am pretty sure there is a way to find two hours a day (or more) to be completely unplugged and not checking my Blackberry every 5 minutes or logging on to the computer. The world can wait while I decompress for a little bit, right? After all, I am not Bill Gates.

I learned this week that I have yet to learn the art of unplugging. For my head, my sanity and my overall health and wellness. As I blog from Baltimore at Fitbloggin. I’m a nut.

But I shall try again. I’ll keep you posted.

UGH. Ok, no bull. Here it is.

-I haven’t counted a single point in over two weeks. I did start back up again yesterday, however.

-I was a little (ok, a lot) annoyed at myself because HELLO!! I racked up 37 ACTIVITY points last week on top of my anytime points and my daily points! So I think I’m going to be ok in the future with my starvation (I always feel hungry when I count points but I’m on a quest to use what I’ve been given and see what happens.)

-I had chocolate cake, Lobster Fest and Taco Bell and $5 Taco Tuesday specials at our taco place. I’m really into the taco thing right now and to get around it, I’m making a light version of enchiladas this week. So there.

-I need a big swift kick in the rear and I think that my group is giving it to me (in a good way! I love my team!! We so rock. So look out, people.)

That’s all! Have a great week!

I had an idea about a weight-loss challenge that started with torturing  digging into the mind first and it turned into Rethink Your Shrink. I thought it would be great for everyone to dig down deep inside and find out why things were the way they were so that we could change them. I had done it a little bit before, myself, but never like this.

Little did I know that rethinking my shrinking was going to bring up all sorts of little unmentioned demons in my own mind and skeletons among the fat clothes in my closet.

 Turns out I aired my own dirty laundry in the form of a giant self-esteem problem. And in the end, this challenge helped me finally accept who I am for the body that it is. After all these years of comparing my body and its shape and pear-like tendencies to everyone else’s body including my skinnyminny teenage-boy-body mom and skinnyminny teenage-boy-body sister (both NOT ME), I finally accept the way my body does things and responds to things and I have become one with it.

My body likes to stay in the same place if I don’t shake things up. It will gain weight at the drop of a hat. It requires exercise and healthy eating or its metabolism slows way down and in two seconds I can go from size 6 to size 12. It needs sleep and a stress outlet and lots of water. It can be a great big pain in the ass. But it can do things I never thought possible. So basically it’s like my pain in the ass cat who does whatever the hell he wants all day and makes me want to scream but then curls up next to me at the end of the day and purrs and sits in my lap and loves me. How can you hate that?

I learned that I love having a support system like the one at the Sisterhood. The Sisterhood support network has gone to a whole different level than anything I’ve seen. I think about all of you whenever I don’t want to go work out or when I’m working out and I’m just going through the motions. I think about all of you who inspire me to go faster and to just find the time. I am inspired when I see your workouts trickle down on Twitter and Daily Mile. I am inspired when I see you running 10 minute miles pushing a jogging stroller (Christy.) I am inspired when I see you jogging in the rain or the 30 degree weather. I am inspired when you cheer me on from the virtual sidelines. I am inspired when I see you push further and try things you’ve never tried before. When I watch you do these wonderful things and make these wonderful self-discoveries, it makes me believe that I can do it too. And that I don’t have to be afraid.

In this challenge, I learned to be brave. I purged my closet finally of my fat clothes. I got my wedding band re-sized down. I learned to believe in myself that I have indeed made a lifestyle change that will stick. I learned that most of my fears are based on things that will never ever happen.

I learned not to beat myself up so much.

I learned not to talk smack to or about myself unless I’m running on the treadmill yelling at myself like I have a built in Jillian and I need to hear that inner crack down. But I have learned to stop the self-criticism and to try to accept a compliment.

I’m still working on the confidence part, especially when I am training with people who live for triathlons, but I’ll get there. Rome wasn’t built in a day, right? At least I’m doing them. Which is a hell of a lot farther than I’d have thought I’d be when I was pushing a size 18 in brides maid’s tent gown.

But the best part is seeing my calendar and everyone else’s calendar full of events and knowing that we are all pushing on full-steam-ahead and we’re all on this crazy ride together and I love it! 2010 really is our year and I believe it with all my heart.

I should just end it there with the title of this post!

It was my 5th anniversary on Friday. We went to dinner at Charley’s Steak House and I ask you, how does one count points on a filet mignon stuffed with bleu cheese, lots of wine, mashed potatoes, crab cakes, lots of wine, and a giant piece of chocolate cake the size of my head? Which, by the way, we shared. For three days. That cake lasted the two of us three days.

The good and bad thing about my husband is that we know how to dine out. Oh yes. The appetizers. The drinks. The desserts. The dessert coffees. We do it up. The good-er part of this is that we don’t do this often. We do it once, maybe twice a year. Otherwise we’d be broke.  It’s why I gained 10 pounds the first 6 months of our marriage.

But like I said, this is not the norm for me and the new “us”, the ones who work out all the time. And I screwed up my points for the whole entire week. But we had a rockin’ weekend sans kids and well, we did burn a lot of calories. ;p

If that counts.

Good morning, Me!

How are you? Have you had your coffee yet? Are the kids off to school? Good. Because I’ve been waiting all year to tell you all this stuff I’ve been holding in and I need to get it out.

I hate to be so brutally honest, but you kind of started 2010 like a scaredy cat. I was a little worried about you. You bought a wet suit for your tri training, but you were afraid to get into the water because everyone kept talking about sharks. Plus, the training last year was along the murky causeway and it was disgusting and someone got stung by a Man O War and you came face to face with a giant jellyfish and your head got all messed up. This was actually your biggest hurdle in 2010, your own self, girl!! 

But then someone else hated swimming at the causeway too (I remember you were really thankful for that since you were new to the group and you didn’t want to be the one to say something) and suggested Honeymoon Island instead. So you found an E-book online that talked specifically about sharks at Honeymoon Island, and it said yes, there are indeed sharks, but they don’t care about you anyway and there were statistics on shark bites along florida since 1882 and only 4 of those were fatalities. Your head enjoyed statistics. You didn’t really voice your fears out loud to anyone in the group because you were too proud, so you just bucked up.

You got over it and you got to a point where you could just swim and wipe your mind blank. I was really proud of you for that!! After all, you didn’t wanna look like a big ninny in front of everyone in the group because you’re such a headcase and all. (You know I’m kidding. Sort of. It’s a good thing you know my sense of humor!)

Well anyway, not only did you train in the open water, you also got a few lessons from one of the big swim coaches in the area who helped you with the mental part of it! Good for you.

Oh, and you got down to your goal weight! You went through some ups and downs to get there, but you really did buckle down in the end! I’m proud of you! And hey, good move going back to Weight Watchers. You know you’re silly trying to go it alone. You’re a “structure” girl when it comes to eating.

This was also a really cool year for meeting your bloggy friends! You went to Fitbloggin, you crossed the half-marathon finish line with your Sisterhood sisters in San Diego (I can’t believe you guys got that huge company to sponsor you!!!) and April was there when you finished the St. Anthony’s Triathlon! (She’s awesome, isn’t she?) And you finished the St. Anthony’s Triathlon!!!! That’s HUGE!! It was awesome that you completed such a big goal at the beginning of the year because you could relax and have fun doing smaller ones for the rest of the year. That training got pretty grueling! There were times that you thought maybe you were crazy to even try it!!

After St. Anthony’s, you did a couple more sprints tri’s over the summer and finished the season with the last one in October and you made a new PR in all of them! At this point, you still don’t believe you have as much cajones as you do. But whatever, headcase.

By the way, your family is really proud of you. Your son did his first kids’ race. You celebrated 5 years of marriage with your husband and your years  together just keep getting better and better! He’s really awesome, but you know that already. And his company did really well this year, so you can stop worrying about that.

You have really gained a sense of self this year! Your freelance work really started to take off now that the kids are in preschool in the mornings. And you were finally able to enjoy your training because you weren’t afraid of it anymore! Look at everything you’re doing!

But that’s probably the biggest lesson you’re going to learn this year. You have some big cajones. Now if you’d only just stop sitting on them…

Well, I can’t wait to see you next January! (Which is today for me!) It’s 2011 now, and you should just about be ready for that Disney Marathon…

Muwahahahahahhah!

(By the way, you did find a running buddy to run those long ones with you. Whew!)

Love,

Future Me

I know it’s a little difficult for us to toot our own horns, it’s totally ridiculously hard for me, the person who cannot accept a compliment to save her life. But today I’m going to own it because that’s the project and why shouldn’t I?

I ROCK because I have made my life what I want it to be. I did that. And I love my life. In fact, if I left this earth tomorrow, I would have no “would’ve could’ve should’ve’s” in my backpack with me on that next journey. Whatever that is.

I ROCK because (wow this is hard, isn’t it!) I have a “zone.” I can get through any exercise or duration for 2 1/2 hours (preferrably less) by going into this weird “zone” and apparently my face gets all blank because I am completely lost in what I am doing and it works.

I ROCK because I have had two children, two knee operations and I can still rock a triathlon or half-marathon, stretch marks, baby bladder, and zero cartilage in my left knee and all!

I ROCK because with everything inside me I want everyone else to know they rock and that they have a crazy, strong, happy lunatic of a woman waiting to get out and I want them to find her!

I ROCK because I’m the “crazy” friend. I’m the one that my friends’ husbands are afraid of letting their wives go out with. We may or may end up lost at the end of the night having met a zillion people and pretended we were rock stars for the night. Yes, I know I’m someone’s mom. They don’t have to know this.

Wow, girls, this was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be! I must’ve stared at a blank screen for 20 minutes before I started writing! But it feels good, doesn’t it??!! Go us!

I’m so excited about the Wall of Motivation!! Here it is: 

I have a couple of themes going on. It’s funny how it kind of took on a life of its own! Fear. The theme for me is conquering fear.

In this one, I have a picture in the lower right hand corner of the actual swim that I will be doing in the triathlon in April. On the side is my favorite Karate Kid and that part in the movie when the guys were in the dojo yelling, “FEAR DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS DOJO, DOES IT!? PAIN DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS DOJO DOES IT!? DEFEAT DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS DOJO DOES IT!?” And that’s on there. I moved my Ironwoman Chrissie Wellington, but she’s still on there. Smack in the middle are my goals, fitness oriented but what’s most important to me is learning how to be fearless and how to focus. I need to actually envision myself crossing the finish line, and the goal right now is a bit daunting and I’m having trouble picturing it. I’ll get there.

I am counting on this wall to keep me going. I will always be adding to it and I’m glad it’s here on my side.

So. Today’s the day.

Don’t worry, peoples. I know this first one was a doozy and I’m being known as the tough-homework-giver here (ouch!) but this one was tough even for me.

Even though I’ve come so far on my journey losing more than 40 pounds, there is still a lot of work to go, not just with my body, but with my head. What happens when you do lose a large number of pounds is that other insecurities rise to the surface and other fears come up. And then you learn that the journey continues, even after weightloss, because it’s now a journey of character.

When I was 5, I was sitting on the steps of  the kiddie pool. I wore a tiny little 5 year old girl bikini. I remember looking down and thinking my tummy was huge and bulbous. I’ve never said any of this out loud.

My body image problem has early roots.

My mom was as thin as a rail all her life. It was clear from the get-go that I did not inherit her body type. She was tall, no curves, zero fat. Like a model. I was short. I was athletic and muscular in high school, but with the exception of one really great, tan, bikini-wearing summer, I always felt fat. My mom never ever called me fat or anything, but somewhere along the way I picked up the idea that I needed to be thin. Maybe I just wanted to be like my mom. I have no idea where the notion arrived, but I can remember comparing my body to other girls’ bodies for as long as I have a capacity to remember anything as a human being.

My mother had the ability to eat anything and never gain an ounce. She could eat 10 fatty steaks every day for a year and her thighs would still never ever touch. My sister inherited her body type. My sister’s thighs could pass for arms. Mine were siamese twins. They’ve never known one without the other. She could (and did) eat Toaster Strudels, sugar cereal, fast food, ice cream with gobs of candy in it, cheese puffs, mac and cheese, and only those things, and in abundance. I tried this and received my first stomach fat roll. I remember sitting down to pee one day when I was in high school and seeing my first fat roll and freaking out. Yes. I remember.

I tried to keep up with them and not care about what I was eating and I grew bitter because I was just not built like them. I couldn’t wear clothes like them. I had curves. I constantly compared myself to them and the more I compared, the more bitter I became and the more careless I ate. Although I gained a little in high school, I was still only a balmy 117 pounds. But I was 117 pounds with blooming body image issues. I always wondered what it must be like to look like them and never ever once care about that piece of cake or whether or not something would fit. It always fit and they could eat cake whenever and however much and never ever work out. It was never a thought in their mind and it was always a thought in mine. I got so angry about that!

My body image issue bloomed out of control in college when I gained the Freshman 15. I went back home to visit and my Grandma called me fat. My boyfriend pinched my side once and told me I could stand to lose a couple more inches around my waist. I was a size 7. I didn’t actually think I was fat at the time. But I was no where near as athletic as I was in high school and I started to gain more weight, and when I left college, I was in a size 12 and had officially launched my path to yo-yo dieting and poor eating behavior. I did Atkins. I remember frying up cheese cubes wrapped in bacon thinking “This just ain’t right.” I did the South Beach Diet. I took Ephedra and barely ate for a while, and this is when I lived in New York City and that was the thing to do among my friends. We would take our Ephedra, not eat all day except for maybe some soup, then go out and have a beer. We called beer our “meal replacements.” I got back down to my skinniest. Go figure. Eventually I had chest pains (a weird infection in the lining of my lungs?!) I stopped taking the fat burners and plus I thought I had nothing to worry about anyway because I was finally skinny.  Then I put it all back on immediately after September 11th. And then some.

After that I went up, I went down, no diet stuck, no workouts stuck, I was all over the place and so was my self-esteem. My closet had everything from a size 6 to a 14. I had no “goal”, I just wanted to be skinny any way I could. I did not know how. So now you know where it all started.

So after having two babies back to back, it’s no wonder that I gained more weight than I ever had in my life and family I hadn’t seen in a while didn’t even recognize me. That was my absolute lowest point. I’ve talked about this before, but it was the period in my life where people just looked past me, they treated me differently, no guys ever looked at me (not that I needed them to, being married and all, but it would be nice!), I would cry in the dressing rooms because pants in a size that looked so huge on the rack wouldn’t even squeeze past my hips. I would hold them out and think, there’s no WAY these won’t fit, they’re huge! But they wouldn’t! I was bigger.

I was well over 200 pounds when I was pregnant. After the babies I got stuck at 180. I’m 5 feet tall.

Thank God I didn’t allow my story to end there. I really almost did. I was thisclose. There was a point where I began to just accept the fact that I would always be fat. I always pictured myself that way and I just couldn’t see how I’d get out of that rut. I thought my battle was over and the weight had won. I gave in. Until I saw that picture above and thought, I just can’t let that win. Because there is so much more to me than that picture. That is NOT who I am!

That was 2008. When I saw that picture, I logged on the computer, signed up for a 5k, found Couch to 5k and trained for it. I lost 17 pounds. I was in the 160s. It felt good to lose weight and seeing new numbers renewed my motivation, along with my fellow bloggers. I did a 10k, and saw the 150s. I did a half-marathon and saw the 140s. I did a triathlon and saw the 130s.

When I saw my best friend after a couple weeks and she asked me, “What are you wearing these days, a size 6?” And I laughed and said, “No, these are a 10.” She grabbed me and took me shopping.

I fit a 6.

The thing is, I had been struggling with  body image issues for so long, my eyes had become Funhouse Mirror Goggles. I actually have no idea what I actually look like. Fat or skinny, I learned that day that I only see one person. My clothes are the only way I know what I may or may not look like. That’s scary to me! That is a whole nother set of body image problems! My best friend told me I had lost a lot of weight and I should be proud and own it and I still just sort of felt so so.

After doing the last triathlon of the season last year and overcoming a really crappy swim and going on to finish at my goal time, I finally accepted me. Something changed where the journey was no longer about the weight but it was about the journey itself, because along the way I had soul-searched and come up with a “me” that had determination and strength. It wasn’t about a diet. It was about living. And I had never felt so full of life as I did crying crossing the finish line with my babies watching.

Yes, I need to workout. My body type and metabolism need to be jump-started and that’s just the way it is. I will always need to move my body and eat right to maintain. That is why no other “diet” has worked, and why making my life an active one has. As long as I am training for something, my workouts do not feel like workouts (well most of the time anyway.) If I believe I am “in training”, I just picture myself being able to cross a finish line and the awful feeling it would be if I couldn’t and that makes me train harder. I just want to finish. I am not looking to come in first. I just want to love myself for what I am. I don’t want to be my mom. I don’t want to be my sister. I just want to be me and like it. No I’m not tall and skinny and curveless. But I do have some pretty kick-ass quads and calves and I happen to really like seeing my muscles pop out.

I am 34 years old. It took me until 2009 to accept my body type for what it is. 

What did not work:

-The same thing over and over again.
-Not having a clear goal, just thinking “Lose weight lose weight lose weight”
-Not having a clear way to get there. No idea what a healthy BMI is, no idea how to eat or what to do to work out
-Preconceived notions about who I was and what I was capable of
-Inability to accept self
-Listening to naysayers
-”I’ll just eat one.”

What did work:
-Talking to a trainer (the freebie session that comes with a gym membership) about a meal plan (Body For Life) and a workout (5 days cardio, 3 weights.)
-Consistency. It took weeks, but eventually I saw results that netted more motivation and thus, more results (go figure.)
-Belief in myself and no preconceived boundaries
-Not listening to other people (lots of people told me I couldn’t do a triathlon!)
-Consistency.
-Making a “big picture” goal, but breaking it down into smaller goals (10 pound increments) and rewarding myself for meeting those goals
-Surrounding myself with positive, supportive people
-Flexibility: finding a way to plow through plateaus by changing up workouts or meal plans (from Body For Life to Weight Watchers)
-Taking the power away from food by having one “free day” during initial weightloss phase. Then, giving myself permission for treats in moderation.

I still have weight to lose and toning to do, but it’s not about the weight anymore. The focus has changed. I am still struggling in my mind with the way I see myself, but I no longer struggle with the anger I felt toward my “body type” or the envy I had for other people’s bodies. I no longer let food “own” me. That is half the mental battle and I have finally won that part.

I make conscious choices to live healthier in general as opposed to “just until I lose the weight”. I have found exercises that I enjoy and a community of beautiful sisters for support. I have found exercises like running, biking and swimming that are invigorating and fun and they’ve become a necessity to me. I’ve found a group of people locally who feel like I do. The triathlon community is amazing! Should I ever fall out of the pattern of exercising, the weight will surely return. My metabolism hates me and I know it. I’ve known it forever. Yes, I have fears about having a third child and gaining back the weight. I never ever want to return to that again. When I stop working out and get lazy, I start to love being lazy and I start to hate myself. I don’t want to return to that again either.

It’s clear to me that from this day forward, it will remain a constant choice to live a healthy lifestyle. To continue to incorporate exercise into 5-6 days a week until I reach a healthy BMI. I am still not there yet. (I have about 3% more.) I am training for a triathlon in April and I’m counting on this to take me to that point. With the amount of  training it will take, I am pretty sure there is now way it WON’T happen. That is the immediate goal. Since this whole journey has been a game of “what works and what doesn’t” it will be interesting to see how much exercise I will have to do to maintain, once I get there. That’s about 10 pounds away. For my 5′ frame, the 120’s is where I am supposed to be. It seems impossible right now, but if I’ve learned anything this time around, it’s that nothing is impossible.

After that, I don’t want to look at exercise as a means to “maintain.” I want to continue training for longer and loftier goals — to push myself to my absolute limit. Could I actually do a half-Ironman one day? And then an Ironman? What about the elusive marathon? I could barely run a 5k a year and a half ago, if I can come this far in that amount of time….

Anyway, very simply, by continuing down the path of “training”, I’ve officially tricked my mind into exercising. That has been one of my most favorite coveted tools in this journey. It’s scheduled in. The race is paid for. I have to do it.

The more goals I reach, the more confidence I have, the better my self-esteem. It all seems to coincide with each other. They are all related. I struggle with my Funhouse Goggles. I struggle with fears of swimming in the open water. I struggle with the question “Can I?” I am reading “The Triathlete’s Guide to Mental Training”, which I’m convinced would be good for anyone, not just a person training for triathlons. Because the tools it has given me so far could help in any training, exercise or real world. I hope to overcome some of my mental “issues” by using the exercises in this book.

So this is going to be a life-long “plan” for me. But it’s worth it. Every minute. Even if some days it feels freakin hard and I have moments where I second-guess myself and I want to quit. This time has been different. Finally.

Ok Thea, I’m getting my goals together, just as you ordered!

I’m out of the two-day funk of a stomach virus and can see straight! (Whew.) You’re welcome, I can share these things, we’re sisters, right?

So my goals for the challenge are as follows:

1. Drink so much more water. I get migraines from being dehydrated. I also get them if I work out really hard. I hope that drinking water might offset some of these. I’m drinking water right now.

2. Venture really really far outside my comfort zone. I am doing a triathlon in April and I really need to do more open water swimming. I have mentioned out loud that I get skeeved out by it and really this has to stop. It’s ridiculous. I’m a grown woman. Anyhoo, I am about to purchase my wetsuit and I hope it comes with a big pair of cajones because I need them.

3. Lose 10 pounds. I actually want to break into the 120s. If I don’t do 10 pounds, I at least want to break into the 120’s.

Chart: I want Thea’s help on this!!! I love her chart, have you seen it??

Reward: My reward will be a massage at my favorite spa. I always feel so pampered and happy, it’s such a treat when I go and such a rarity!

I’m pretty sure that if it a) wasn’t the holidays, b) wasn’t December c) wasn’t December in which all of my family’s birthdays happen to fall, or d) wasn’t the week after the week everyone was sick, then I’d have a lot less to confess these days.

Instead, it is all of those things and my confessions look like the 12 days of Christmas but instead of partridges in a pear tree, there are scones-and-cakes and a pot of pear TEA.

I am not even making that up, wow!  I really did have pear tea! I just impressed myself.

Moving on.

So furthermore, there was a cake called “Raspberry Elegance” which is the most sought-after store-bought cake in the history of my family and of which we won’t speak until at least a few more months when we can all hope for it again (possibly around Mother’s Day because we all get what we want on Mother’s Day.) We had it for my mom’s birthday. I also had a couple hamburgers in and around that day.

At home, however, I was pretty darned good except for the jug of wine. But there is still some wine in the jug so I can’t have been all that bad, right?

But since I’m worrying less about eating and more about working out and I only worked out *ahem* one (ONE!) day last week (an alltime low for me), then that’s my biggest confession.

I did go to the gym today and kick some cardio ass and everyone is healthy, I have my gym days planned and child care at the ready. And I just want to mention that my GYM WAS EMPTY! For each empty treadmill and/or elliptical, there was the sound of one poor gym-goer falling off the wagon.

Let that not be us!

The end.